Do you remember internet life almost 20 years ago? We used primitive hosts like Juno and AOL to chat and send messages to a handful of people. Now we have hundreds of millions of websites to visit. And we’re doing so much more than sending emails and typing “a/s/l” in chat rooms. Today we use the internet as a major source of communication, entertainment, and information.

That being said, a lot of what we see on the internet is, well, fake. A lot of the faux BS is obvious, like the crappy magazines that publish stories about wombat children with 800 pound tumors. But sometimes the buffoonery is more subtle. Either way, I’m always disappointed (read: annoyed AF) to see the outlandish posts making their way onto my timeline through my tragically gullible friends.

So what exactly shouldn’t you believe on the internet? Well….

1. Super AIDS
Apparently there was an article going around warning people about some super hybrid STD strain. It leads to the inability to urinate and death and currently infects 25% of Portland’s population. -_- The only people who would believe that nonsense are the people who are irresponsible enough to get some nasty sh*t like that in the first place. Wrap it up folks. Screw Super AIDS, you idiots don’t need to be breeding.

2.  Money Bags
This year Octember has 3 Liedays, Fictiondays, and Falsedays. It only happens once every 823 years so post this and Elvis will come down and give you 20 bucks.
This has got to be one of the most regurgitated lies out there. Not only does it have that “chain letter” feel to it, but its just wrong.  Any time a month with 31 days begins with the 1st falling on a Friday there will be 3 Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays and that happens far more often than 823 years. It happens twice this year in March and November, it also happened in July ’11, January and October ’10, May ’09, August ’08, September ’06 and July ’05. Better post now before you have to wait another 823 years.

WillSmithMeme3. Celebrity memes
I already loathe cheesy inspirational quotes. Must we attach them to some popular celebrity and pretend they made or support the message? Jay-Z didn’t say that shit. Marilyn Monroe didn’t say that shit. Will Smith didn’t say that shit. Drake didn’t say that – actually, Aubrey probably did say that corny shit.

4. Starbucks gift cards
No matter how many people you tag in a picture or comment on a post promising a free gift card, you’re not going to get it. Don’t need to explain this one. Just stop making your friends suffer through your stupidity. Say no to tagging.

5.  Joe Budden coming to PDX
All I wanna know is who is this cat that keeps booking Buddens and then canceling the show the day of? Twice in one year? Are you kidding me? Stop buying tickets, stop RSVPing to the event invite. Joe’s not coming. I won’t believe it until he tells me himself. He had no problem tweeting me back when I asked if it was him or the promoter who flaked. When in doubt, always blame janky promoters.

6. “How to keep a man” posts
There’s always someone posting about how to keep/get a man or how to be a good woman/girlfriend/wife. None of them know what they’re talking about. If they really knew how to do any of that, they’d be too busy doing it to post about it. Stop taking advice from single folks.

7. Freestyle videos
If you know anything about rappers, you know they lie their asses off. 90% of the freestyles you see online were written 2 years ago.

8. Statistics
76% of online statistics are made up 82% of the time. 68% of internet users believe 94% of the statistics they read. 4 in 5 people who visit WOHM are 7 times more likely to believe only 40% of what they read. 100% of the statistics in this post are 25% true.

NeedlesHoax9. HIV infected needles under gas pumps
This hoax has been circling the internet for years now. According to the Center for Disease Control (real statistic alert) “no one has been identified as infected with HIV due to contact with an environmental surface. Additionally, HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host…therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host.”  So yeah. Bye. Read a book or something.

10. Anything politicians say about the government shutdown
This one is not reserved for the internet, but a lot of us get our news from websites like CNN and Huffington Post. Not to say those aren’t good sources, but when it comes to the shutdown, quotes from politicians are about as accurate as Bible verses. Sure there’s truth in there somewhere but is all wrapped in words formed to scare you into siding with whomever’s talking. Once again, read. Research and form your own opinions. Or just adopt mine.

I think the moral of the story here is if your smart friends don’t post it, it’s not true.