With less than 3 weeks left till Fall Equinox, school-aged children are finally vacating shopping malls so that they may go back to school, and it’s safe to say summer’s over. That said, it’s time to start gearing up for the next 8 months of rain.
Not that we’re complaining; no, Northwesterners love the rain. Conversely, there are lots of fun things you could be doing to prepare for a fantastic autumn… Just don’t get caught up making summer-type plans. What are summer type plans? Here, let me help you with a list of things NOT to do as Fall approaches.
1) Getting Yourself Dumped
This one should be obvious but seems to elude many. It’s getting colder and the days are getting shorter, why exactly would you want spend your nights alone? I mean, there are only a few weeks till cuffing season, so all the decent and desperate gals will be booed up shortly. Why put yourself in that position now, as if we didn’t tell you to get on that back in spring?
Look, this was supposed to happen before summer started. Nobody’s trying to “get ripped” for Christmas… It just doesn’t work like that. It’s always good to be healthy, but don’t front like any body-sculpting you start doing now is going to survive the binges of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
3) Go Floating
Everyone loves a river trip, but I’m cool with catching pneumonia and/or dysentery from cold, unfiltered water. The hottest of weather is behind us; please don’t sit in the cold river.
4) Saying “Wavy”
Look, swag is forever, but wavy was a quick fad and nobody is saying it anymore. So if you start now, you’ll sound like my mom did in 2005 when she started saying “da bomb”. Don’t say I ain’t try to help.
5) Trying to attend a Do Over
The Adidas Original event came through Portland twice this summer, but if you missed it, you’re SOL till next year. However, you can still hit Sundae PDX on the 8th if you want some good Sunday day drinking and politicking.
6) Caring About Trayvon Martin
Listen… It’s too late. Kid is dead and dude is free. I don’t even wanna talk about it.
I heard #BlackTwitter has her now so defending her on any social media forum is like reputational suicide. I tried to defend little Hannah Montana but stopped about a year or so ago when it became clear she had her mind set on being another effed up Disney kid-turned adult.
8) Drop A Summer Album
So that album you started working on in February, full of breezy summer beats and laid back summer anthems? Yeah, shelf it. Nobody wants to hear about you rolling with the top down when it’s pouring in October.
9) Plant A Garden
Real talk for you hip-hop arborists. Nothing is going to grow once that first frost hits… Unless of course you have UV lighting.
10) Start Riding Your Bike To Work
I know September is National Ride Your Bike to Work Month or whatever, but whoever decided that was an idiot. You are going to spend hella scratch on rain gear and by October, you’ll be calling it quits after some SUV runs you off the road on a foggy morning. Riding your bike is a great idea, but if you’re just starting, perhaps consider making your maiden voyage in April or May.