I managed to avoid playing Candy Crush until about a month ago and I don’t really know what’s happened to my life in the past 30 days. A lot of tears have been shed. A lot of victory dances have been done. Other than that, life’s a blur. Even when I dream all I see is jelly. Like most Facebook games, Candy Crush has the uncanny ability to completely take over your life and I am here to warn you.
Let me explain the game to those of you who have will power and dignity left. Similar to Bejeweled, you match 3 candies of the same color in a row and they clear. If you line up 4 or more in lines, Ts or Ls, you get special candies with awesome powers. Each level has a different goal. Some are timed, some require you clear all the jelly on the screen, some require you reach a certain number of points, and then sometimes you have to get all the acorns and cherries to the bottom.
The addiction is so real, I stopped writing mid-sentence to play a round.
Much like crack, the addictiveness of Candy Crush can ruin your life and for most of you, it can ruin your #RapLife as well. With your phone clutched in your hand its pretty hard to hold a mic or a pen so performances and writing raps (hahaha like any of you write your own anyway) may fall to the wayside.
I have a feeling Kanye must have spent a lot of time playing Candy Crush. If he had spent a little more time on his music than trying to clear all the jelly we’d have more than the crap he calls Yeezus to listen to.
You’ll probably also miss a lot of studio time and chances to network at events. I can’t tell you how many times I passed up doing something because I’d rather sit and play Candy Crush. When you just can’t get past a level, its hard to want to get up and do anything. I’ve missed meals, came back to work late from my break, even had my kids make their own dinner once.
And don’t expect to keep many fans as long as you’re getting sugar rushes. If you thought blowing up your friends’ timelines by posting your new video a million times was irritating, just wait until the Candy Crush requests start. The game tricks you into thinking all your friends are playing and stuck for x days so you have to send them new lives.
Little do you know, none of them are as addicted as you are. But you’re so anxious to unlock the next level you send the request anyway hoping to earn tickets. That’s right, you must have tickets to get admission to the next level and the only way to do so is to nag your friends every day until you get enough. After the third request, you’ll get blocked and they won’t even see the link to your new album when you post it. Whomp whomp!
As if the damage to your social life, fan base, and quality of work isn’t enough, many also fall victim to purchasing boosts and extra lives. Wanting to buy a hot beat from one of the towns best producers? Be careful, you might be a few dollars short once you buy 5 extra moves to get past level 42 after failing to reach your goal for 6 days straight. Feeling like a loser sucks, so spending $.99 here and $1.99 there may be the move to reach victory, but those small purchases can add up. And you may have to pass up that awesome beat and end up with crap instead.
I’m not saying Candy Crush is evil; it actually makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I play. All I’m saying is you have to be weary of addictions that may distract you and cause you to produce sub par work. Perhaps you’d be better off putting down the phone and rolling a J instead.
Delicious!