The turn up is real.
Get your swag right, immediately. WOHM balls out and we want our readers to ball out with us. Here are a few tips so we can remain on the same court:
1. Throw away any wife beaters you own
Wife beaters are the opposite of swag. Chris Brown wears them (and also does that), don’t be like Chris Brown. You should not wear a wife beater: To the gym, to sleep in, around the house, under your dress shirts, on stage, or ever. Throw them away, immediately. While you’re at it, throw away any socks with permanent gym stains or holes in the toes. Wife beaters and old, worn socks go together like Chris Brown and Ri—nevermind.
2. Goodwill any polo shirts you own
Douchebags wear polo shirts—Lacoste, Abercrombie and Fitch, Burberry, and sometimes even…Polo. Don’t be a douchebag. If you golf, keep one or two; but if you don’t golf, take all of your polo shirts to Goodwill, immediately. While you’re at it, rid of any other douchebag clothing items you own.
3. Drink more water
I doubt you’re drinking enough water; most people aren’t. Portland did NOT pass the fluoride addition to its tap, so drink away. Drinking water is #soswagbro. Drink it immediately for: Increased energy and clearer skin (Proactiv also helps); drink it long term for: High functioning kidneys and weight loss.
4. Get enough sleep
Take a nap, immediately, and go to bed earlier tonight. Like H2O, sleeping is good for your energy, skin, weight loss, and…sex life. While we’re on the drink well / sleep well tips, you should also take a daily multivitamin. [Editor’s note: Holler at @SillyCristina and she’ll let you use her Amazon Prime account to get free 2-day shipping.]
5. Open a savings account
Stack payyyyyyper. Count chedda. Pop bands. Ball out, immediately. Most banks have a $20 minimum to start a savings account—you got that? Then do it. Brag about it. Swag about it.
6. Wash your car
One of the most immediate ways to get your swag right is to wash your whip. You don’t have to take it to SE or anything crazy. You can wash your whip at home. You can even wash your whip in the ARCO drive-thru.
7. Buy a gal a drink
Another immediate confidence booster comes from buying a gal a drink. As long as she’s above a 4, you’ll feel swaggier after doing a good deed for a pretty lady.
8. Listen to NPR / the news / diverse music during your commute
The average American commutes 25.4 minutes to work. What’s your commute? More? Less? Either way, use those minutes to get your swag right, immediately. Support local music and dream about trap playing at Crown Room (R.I.P.), but use your commute to listen to NPR, the news, or something outside of your comfort zone. Broaden your swag.
9. Make a sex tape
Tupac? Swag. Kanye West? Swag. Ray J? Eh, debatable. Try making a sex tape regardless! Disclaimer: WOHM cannot guarantee that making a sex tape will help you get your swag right immediately.
10. Hop up out the bed…
…take a look in the mirror, say what’s up. Seriously, admitting that you have swag and believing that you have swag are the first two steps of Swag Anonymous.
BONUS: Pay your child support. Get road head. Stretch in the morning. Stretch before bed. Read We Out Here Magazine on your mobile device. Call your mom and tell her you love her (don’t tell anyone you did that). Chug creatine, lift weights. Drop gwop on a new fit. Get a line up.