Sluts. Some people love ‘em, some people hate ‘em. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, many of us can spot ‘em a mile away (see image above), but when they’re right under our noses we get blinded by their [insert vice here].
First, a lesson on Aristotle’s syllogism, which states that just because a woman does one or some of these ten things, it is not guaranteed that she is a slut. But if she does all ten you may have yourself a winner / loser depending on if you love / hate sluts, respectively.
1. Sluts have naughty photos saved in their phones at all times.
Many of us are guilty of sexting. It’s one thing to send a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ to your significant other, but it’s another thing to send naughty photos to anyone who politely asks. Sexts are getting people in a lot more trouble than anyone initially thought they would, and if your girl in question just happens to store such photos in her phone for anyone who asks at any given moment, not only is she a slut, she’s an idiot.
2. Sluts blackout a lot.
Her Friday night goal, which she publically posts on all social networks: Drink ‘til I black out.
3. Sluts have sex blacked out a lot.
After she’s reached her goal, she makes inevitably bad decisions like: having sex blacked out, having sex with strangers, leaving her friends at the bar, eating an entire pizza.
4. Sluts eat seductively.
Sluts love to brag about their blow-job-giving skills. They eat bananas, ice cream cones, lollipops, and bites off their fork seductively. They want you to notice, so they make it obvious; and if you’re still not noticing, they may go as far as asking you to watch them or pointing out “Mmm…did you see how I ate that?”
5. Sluts tweet poorly about OKCupid dates.
Being on OKCupid, or any dating site, does not make a woman a slut. She might be on the site because she’s busy, new in town, shy at first, or because she truly has had bad luck in love—all acceptable reasons to be on such a site. But if she’s on the site, seeing many men, and then tweeting about her dates… –and I don’t mean tweeting things like, “Had a delightful date tonight!,” I mean tweeting poorly about her date like, “Worst lay ever, not making him my buddy. Will try again tomorrow.”— …she’s a classless slut.
6. Sluts don’t use condoms.
There’s a difference between a healthy and an unhealthy sex life. We Out Here Magazine promotes a healthy sex life—get tested before each new sexual partner; ask your partner to get tested, too; wear condoms to protect against diseases and have a plan to protect against babies; be in love or be upfront; and try new things. Sluts promote unhealthy sex lives—they don’t wear condoms, or do any of the above except try new things…
7. Sluts lie.
She’s the best lay you’ve had, but she says she’s only been with three guys? She gets “cold sores,” but not “herpes”? Oh, and she’s never done that before? Just know that sluts lie.
8. Sluts undress themselves during foreplay.
Any woman will tell you that half of the fun in sex is foreplay. So why is it that when you’re with a slut, she undresses herself? Not only that, she undresses herself FAST. You bend over to take your socks off, and when you look up again she’s ready and waiting. If you’re dating a girl, this can be a compliment—she wants you, and she wants you bad. But if she’s new to you, doesn’t that ruin foreplay for you too?
9. Sluts have slutty profile pictures.
WARNING: Sluts love using the “MySpace pic” on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram…and even LinkedIn. Oftentimes they are in front of a mirror, alone, bearing their mid-drift, showing their bra, have too much make-up on, and / or are doing the duck face.
10. Sluts are never satisfied.
Sluts make plans with multiple people, then bail on everyone except the guy with the best plans. When they come over, they’ll drink all your beer and smoke all your weed, then leave to go do the same thing to one of the guys they initially bailed on. Sluts are never satisfied, so you’ll never be fun / rich / “big” / outgoing / sweet / fit enough in a slut’s eyes.
Other things sluts do on a regular basis: swallow for men who aren’t their boyfriends, don’t brush (or even try to brush) their teeth after swallowing, wear make-up to bed, hardly sleep, see more than one guy in a day, think you’re “small,” sleep with your friends, “forget” to wear panties when they’re wearing a dress, and most importantly… Tell you she’s not a slut.