Propane Swag

Yo, yo, yo (me looking hella white, with my hoodie up, throwing up the “EastSide”). I’ve got a bone to pick with our generation. Men are no longer men, women are no longer ladies, and love is no longer true. My parents have been married for like hella years now and not once have they ever felt the need to let the world know in a long winded Facebook status update. They go through their ups and downs, obviously things aren’t perfect between them if they spawned a white rapping maniac like me. Although I can be eloquent at times, a great deal of my sentences end with “and sh*t…”.  But to my point, I bet you my left party boy that you have at least five relationships you cannot stand just chillin on your Facebook right now. Our generation simply has it too easy. I’ve never skinned an animal to feed my family, I’ve never had to milk a cow and I’ve never gone down to the river to quench my thirst. But, I can text a b*tch into my bed in 15 responses or less.

Ever tried to text out your relationship problems? I know I have, I literally wouldn’t answer the phone. Nothing says I want you back and I love you with all my heart quite like saying, “Hey lets just text about this.” Right? The woman who I thought was the love of my life walked out on me and I literally tried to text her back into my life. I learned my lesson, and the next time a light skinned woman walked out of my life, I got in a car and drove to her house to try to work things out. It didn’t work out, so I burnt that b*tches house down and made sweet succulent love to her mother. Not really, but we as a generation seem to have no idea what romance or love really are. If we are no longer capable of “true” love that’s okay, but we need to recognize and understand that.

Back to my parents, they worked hard, they raised my hellion little ass, and they stayed together. For HELLA years. Did they disagree? Yes, but they worked it out, Love. I know we can’t put a timeline on love, but I’d rather hang out with Hitler than read about how you’ve been together for 6 months and say you love each. (I can say that because I’m Polish and the guy knocked down half of my family tree.) It’s cool to be proud of who you’re with but understand that presenting your “perfect relationship” to the Facebook world is only going to complicate things when the ball is no longer moving towards the end zone.  People by nature will chime in on what they think went wrong. You shoved your Romeo & Juliet-esque relationship down our throats for six months. You two now have a third party to deal with when deciding whether or not you have a future together, as if things aren’t obviously complicated enough based on the number of likes you recieved from your “true friends” the last time your relationship status changed to single.

I think what disgusts me the most is the constant relationship status changes. Do you know how stupid you look? You look dumber than I did when I thought I was going to be an NFL quarterback someday. Everyone has been in a crazy relationship, yes, those are the best. But, we don’t need to know you guys hate to love each other, or love to hate each other, or whatever it is you two seem to have going on. We laugh at you, yes, even if I pretend I care on Facebook, I’m laughing at you. Because for that brief moment I see you doing something stupid, and my little uneducated brain likes laughing at stupid things. If you’re a grown man, or have a child of your own, or a job, or even a pack of dusty condoms, you should never take part in any of this. I’m not saying don’t be crazy and that physically hurting your ex-girlfriends new boyfriend is a bad idea. I’m just saying that I don’t need to know about it. Send me a text if you need to talk, its 2012 don’t annoy me with a phone call.

As we get older we learn how to conduct ourselves in public. For example when I’m in the comfort of my own home I like starting most of my sentences with “Aye Cuz”. Now, through trials and tribulations, some of which hurt, I understand this is not the way I should present myself in public. Facebook, like it or not, is public and therefore we need to learn how to behave.  The fact that you found a boy dumb enough to date you is really cool, but please ask yourself, is this something everyone wants to hear about 3 times a day? Probably not. So please, proof read and think twice before blurting out the juicy details of your relationship to the entire facebook world.

I’m out yall, follow me on instagram (propanelv) and sh*t

Lv out