1. “Tall tees”
Sure, at one point in time, tall tees were the coolest thing since sliced bread. Regardless of what 2 Chainz may model to you, tall tees have seen their day. Think about it—even in their day, were they really a good look? Tall tees make every man look like he has a looooooong torso, and short legs. Is that not the opposite of our goals, gentlemen? For the betterment of society, if you have any tall tees folded in storage, cut them up and use them as oil rags. Do not donate them to Goodwill. I repeat. DO NOT DONATE THEM TO GOODWILL, someone will purchase and wear them, thinking they’ve made a comeback.
There is a time and place for wearing socks with sandals. The time is usually for no more than five minutes; the place is solely when you’re walking from the gym locker room to your car, or from your couch to your bed. Otherwise, there should be no need to wear socks with sandals. Wear socks with sneakers! Or wear your sandals barefoot! Do not wear socks with sandals!
3. Toe socks
Likewise, there is a time and place for toe socks. Again, the time is for no more than five minutes; and the place is at home being silly for your nieces and nephews, or when “that” Aunt (you know the one) gives you a pair as a gift and you politely model them. Otherwise, rid of these socks entirely from your wardrobe. Like Number One, do not donate your toe socks—no matter how new of a condition they are in—to Goodwill, someone will actually purchase and wear them.
4. White socks with black slacks and dress shoes
Keeping with suit (pun intended), do not wear white socks with black slacks and dress shoes. This is a very simple touch, that makes the world of a difference. It’s not rocket science to know that when you sit down, your trousers go up, and your ankles become slightly visible. White socks will Oreo between your slacks and dress shoes, drawing unnecessary attention. Keep the attention on your charming good looks, your freshly pressed shirt, or your polished shoe tips—not your bright white, and out of place, socks.
5. T-shirts with the sleeves ripped off
T-shirts with the sleeves ripped off are: lazy, cheap, unfashionable, and unflattering, to say the least. At the gym, they give you a cool guy (acceptably douchey) vibe; same goes for working under the hood of your car on a hot day. But at the beach? In the park? Around the house, or anywhere outside the house? No, no, no. Buy a bro tank.
6. Jheri Curls
Please, just don’t. (Same goes for frosted tips.)
Number Five, when at the gym, is acceptably douchey. White sunglasses, anywhere at all, are unbearably douchey.
8. Old man boxers
Boxers, fine. Briefs, fine. Heck, whitey tighties are even making a comeback. But old man boxers? (You know the kind… Ross Dress for Less, three for $2.99, almost see-through cotton, light blue with a thin dark blue vertical stripe, bunched up elastic, flap with no button.) These babies are a no. Even when you are in fact an old man, they should be a no! Number Nine in this post, 10 THINGS: To Add To Your Wardrobe, has some advice for you.
Men, if you don’t like seeing ladies in Crocs, what makes you think ladies like seeing you in Crocs? If I could find the guy that invested these……… If you’re going to wear Crocs, you might as well keep on your old man boxers and pair them with a t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off. You have given up on your physical appearance.
10. A denim suit
I saw a young man wearing a denim suit a few weeks back (possible subliminal motivation for this post). Denim-on-denim is okay, and in fact, a very GQ-hipster thing to do when done right. But a full body, matching denim suit? He looked like a circus clown (this is not a dis, this is a fact). Paired with Acqua Di Gio, the poor guy pulled zero ladies.
Don’t be that guy.
BONUS: Elastic waist pants / shorts are questionable; they can only be pulled off in a sarcastic 80’s manner, or with bold swim trunks. Depending on your profession, around the neck sunglass holders are also questionable. Zipping around in your convertible with your shades plugged into them is with no doubt, wrong. Like Number Ten, matching sweats-on-sweats is a no-no; grey sweats with a colored hoodie is a maybe, but matching is a no all the time, everytime. (Sweats in general signal that you have given up on life. Pair them with your Crocs.) And last but not least, careful not to unbutton too many buttons on your collared shirt, two is enough—don’t’ be creepy.
And gentlemen, a WOHM hoodie (or anything from our soon-to-be live clothing store) is always a do.