by Jake Espinoza
We made our way up to the athletic director’s suite at the Ducks game yesterday. Our friend Kallie is the daughter of offensive line coach Steve Greatwood, and so she has a pretty good deal for herself at Autzen.
We woke her up at her house on the campus side of Eugene at 9 in the morning. Hot Kallie, as she hates to be called, was fresh out of bed. She was not ready for us. We opened bottles of champagne while she tried to keep her eyes open. The bottles were quickly finished, but she had beers in the fridge waiting to keep us company as she finished getting ready.
There is no better excuse to talk to complete strangers than being buzzed in Eugene at ten in the morning.
We got to Autzen, pounded a couple beers in a suite at the baseball stadium, and made our way to a tailgate. When we got there we found out that the rumors are true, people still play beer pong. We unfortunately arrived too late to get in line and play a game, but we did have time to drink more beer and take shots of 1800.
By this point I started noticing a trend. Everywhere I went there was beer to drink and someone ready to drink with me. Some people may not find this type of environment enjoyable, but I do. This is my favorite type of environment.
Looking for the bright side of life will generally lead you to a party.
I did not show up with the intention of being a free loader. It just kind of happened. The two bottles of Andre I brought were gone. I had nothing to offer but a drunken charm and a crooked smile, but on this day it was all I needed.
Having friends is awesome.
We made our way into the game and watched the kickoff. The vibes turned a bit nervous as 53 point underdog Missouri State scored on their first drive and took a 7-0 lead. Drunken people are drunk and emotional. The Ducks scored quickly and then took the lead, and everyone relaxed. It was about at this point that Hot Kallie’s hot mother came and took us up to the athletic director’s suite.
The free beer I had been drinking all morning was awesome, but now we drank free whiskey in a skybox. I like whiskey a lot, and I proved it to everyone we shared the box with.
One nice gentleman didn’t believe that I belonged. He asked to check my ticket, and then asked where I got it. Not sure what he was up to and not wanting to get Kallie into trouble, I told him I won a High Times Magazine contest and that I was supposed to be meeting with Phil Knight. He looked a bit startled and confused. I asked him a couple questions and he said he hadn’t seen Phil and also didn’t have his number. I gave him a suspicious look as I turned and walked away.
Missouri State didn’t score again, but their single touchdown was just enough to prevent the Ducks from beating the spread. I don’t bet on sports, but for whatever reason I like to talk like I do while I’m at games. As the Ducks began their final possession we started a “Beat the spread” chant that brought on a few smiles.
My memories are a bit blurry leaving the stadium. We took a couple (more) shots with the bartender before making our way downstairs. I woke up in the backseat of Andrew’s car about five miles outside of Albany, reached into the cooler behind me, grabbed a beer and opened it. I have no idea why I did this. I’m sure my friend did not appreciate it. But it got done.
I traveled around Salem like a mad man for three hours after returning. Hoping my wife would be asleep before I got home, making random and unannounced appearances at friends’ houses, and stopping to eat at Applebee’s with my cousin Jason.
It was a great day, but it was too much for me. I spent the night hovered over my toilet seat and keeping my wife awake—not at all an adult thing to do.
The good thing about drinking during the day is that you are able to sleep off a hangover during civilian sleeping hours, and wake up the next day ready to go. As I woke up on Sunday morning I was reminded of responsibilities, deadlines, chores and bills.
Four things that were never brought up in conversation at Autzen.
College football gives people all over America a pass to act like a college kid eight Saturdays out of the year while their team plays at home. I’m looking forward to making it back to Eugene to share another game with all of your beautiful faces.
My reality is beautiful, but Autzen is still a bit better.
#OutHereAutzen