October 8, 2013 in Editorials, Features, News, Op-Eds, Politics by

Jessie Sponberg Talks About McMuffins in the MODA Center

“Ding dong the witch is dead! Oh wait, here’s comes an even worse witch.”

Upon learning of the demise of the Chalupa giveaway program I found myself confronted by equal parts sorrow and joy. Sorrow because it meant the end of the wonderful Donate Your Chalupa program, and joy because it meant the end of the wonderful Donate Your Chalupa program.

ChalupaFor those who have been living in a cave for the last two NBA seasons, the DYC program has collected over 20,000 transferrable “chalupons” and donated them to local outreach agencies such as Janus Youth, who then redistributed them to Portland’s most vulnerable population – street kids. The coupons not only entitled the bearer to a warm Chalupa, but also access to a clean, safe place to use the restroom, which is even rarer on the streets than the warm meal.

    (Sidenote: Portland is the only NBA team to have it’s Chalupa program cancelled — coincidence?)

Here’s the flip side though. If you were living in a cave then I envy you. It means you were dry. I wasn’t. I was wet, I was cold, we were standing in the rain asking people to give us fast food. We rarely had any help and people treated us like we were asking them for spare change. I hated that job. I haven’t watched the 4th quarter of a home game in 2 years. I used to have to ask the cab drivers to turn up the volume in their cars so I could stand in the rain and listen to Wheels hopefully count up to 100.

    anytime I wasn’t stoned I was miserable.
    but we did it for the kids…

Okay, now lets fast forward to Sunday evening. I got a text message from a reliable source that informed me of a big announcement coming from the Blazers regarding a new partnership to replace the Chalupas. I remember laying in bed speculating on what fantastic new (hopefully local, hopefully healthy) companies the Blazers could pair up with. I figured that whatever it is, it has to be better than Taco Bell. I was stretching my moral fabric pretty thin as it was to be giving kids such low quality food, and was excited about the prospect of something healthier — especially since the team just sold their naming rights to a health insurance provider. Whether any of the new giveaway ever made it to the hands of Portland’s most vulnerable, it would be nice as a Blazer fan and a citizen of Portland to see healthier options available.

So  imagine my surprise when I woke up Monday morning to find out the McBlazers sold out the McCity and signed a 5 year deal to giveaway McCrap. That’s some effin McBullshit. I have now had a full day and a half to process my anger and bewilderment. Is there any company that could be further away from the terms “healthy” or “local”? We’re talking about a company who’s very name is a synonym for everything wrong in a society plagued by obesity. How could the McBlazers management have seen this as a good idea? A blind man could see this is a terrible idea. How can I, in good conscience give somebody something that I refuse to put in my own mouth? For the record, I’ve never eaten a Chalupa in my life, but at least it has lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream and two kinds of shredded cheese. I can’t possibly give this crap to anybody, and I damn sure ain’t gonna stand out in the rain to do it.

mcmuffinNow before anybody wants to give me the “they are homeless, they should be happy to get anything”, I just want to tell you to McFuck-Off in advance. These are human beings we are talking about. Their housing situation does not make them a lesser person than me. I wouldn’t give a McMuffin to my worst enemy. My real anger however, rises from the wasted opportunity. The fact that the team had a perfect chance to do something innovative, something progressive. Instead they paired up with the McNastiest company in the world- to give away a breakfast item! McGeniuses.

So, it is with equal parts regret and relief, that I officially turn in my resignation and will have to find some other creative way to be productive in this crazy world.

In other words, “I McQuit”.

(I would like to extend my most sincere thank yous to everyone who volunteered their time help us make this idea a reality. Most especially, I would like to thank Jason Sayre for his serious dedication. I think he might have even worked more games than me, and I couldn’t have made it happen without him. I would also like to thank the fans for their incredible generosity. I love you Portland.)

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  • Confused

    Taco Bell Chalupas have a higher calorie and fat count (and equal carb count) to a McMuffin. Confused as to the entire context of this article.
    And there are like 3 cubes of engineered tomatoes and splat of processed sour cream on a Chalupa. Oh and the same processed cheese as McDonald’s. Hardly nutritious.

    Very strange article/rant…

    • Sharde Marie

      No they don’t. Try again. Chalupas – 370 calories, McMuffin – 410

      • Confused

        You’re just picking nutritional value from a type of McMuffin with a higher calorie count. I am sure they are giving away the basic one. You should try again to not be a selective reasoner.
        So JS: you’re article touts the heroic lengths you were wiling to go to to serve “they both suck” chalupas to homeless people but now “they both suck”? Ehhh okay.

        • Sharde Marie

          That is the calorie count of the ones they are giving out.

      • Jake Chadwick

        The basic McMuffin has 360 calories.

        • Sharde Marie

          They’re not giving out basic McMuffins. They’re giving out sausage McMuffins with egg.

    • Jessie Sponberg

      They both suck.

      • joe mama

        Jesse, you are a whiny self-righteous asshole. Please go fuck yourself.

  • JH

    What a weepy wanker. Please kindly stuff your self-righteousness up your own ass and fuck off.

    Having lived on the streets I didn’t care what I ate. And McDonald’s is going to be able to afford to give away a LOT of food. FOOD is more important than your granola-munching convictions.

    • Jessie Sponberg

      I will gladly let you borrow my signs to either
      a. go do it yourself
      b. shove up your ass
      either way, I don’t eat fucking granola.

  • DrawbridgeSyndrome

    Quit Tabor [x]
    Quit Blazers [x]
    Quit Bitching [ ]

    • Jessie Sponberg

      ouch. that was a good one.

  • TronSheridan

    Keep on ragin’ brah.

    If you really think the Blazers, Taco Bell, and/or McDonalds do this out of the goodness of their hearts you are sadly mistaken. There is money behind the scenes, and companies (even those who spout the greatest of intentions) always follow the money.

    And I’m pretty certain that a (truly) hungry person would be happy with either.

  • JustSomeGuy

    Pauly half calls bullshit.
    It’s a ROYAL pain in the ass after a while to keep EVERY FLIPPIN night the blazers play home-games open for a “What-if”…. Just waiting and waiting to see if they hit 100, then they don’t and you just wasted a whole night.
    Not to mention about wanting to deck the drunk douchebags that try to start fights with you for your charity… Or rallying people every other night some times trying to get a bunch of people down there, then they don’t hit 100 so everyone’s bummed. Or the logistics of sign managment, and making sure they get there (or don’t get lost at a bar. lol) etc…
    It’s like a part-time job in itself.

    • Jessie Sponberg

      now there’s a guy who acts like he understands!!!!

  • Jake Espinoza

    I just don’t get the outrage. I just don’t get it. I did enjoy the McComplaint puns though. Good work Jessie!

  • Zoey

    Sorry, could you please explain to me how having McDonalds is anymore ‘local’ and ‘healthy’ then the crap they serve you at Taco Bell? Further more, a life long lesson you may want to learn is that Beggers can’t be Choosers. They do not have the option of getting a healthier alternative; Healthy food cost are extremely high compared to the junk they can produce and serve within seconds.

    I am not a nutritionist by any means, but it doesn’t take an expert to tell you that not only does more calories means more energy (Something these people tend to lack) but also the extremely small portion of lettuce and basically cubed unfrozen tomatoes won’t exactly be considered healthy when its heaped with greasy meat and processed crap. Honestly, this entire article absolutely, fucking retarded. GG Noob.

    Like literally all the fucking things you could bitch about, you bitch about something as insignificant as this. Nothing about coorperation’s rebirth of Feudilism, nothing about the giant fiasco we having currently with our global economics and poltically with out government taking a shit…

    No. You talk about why it’s unacceptable that the Blazers switched over to McDonalds and now don’t serve a ‘healthier’ option like…Taco Bell (which is pretty blatantly ironic all things considering)… to homeless youth. Man – It is a fucking SAD day when a charity event happens and people bitch that they are given charity.

    • Radio Fa Fa

      Somebody didn’t actually read the article, huh?

    • Sharde Marie

      Reading is fundamental.

  • John Lockwood

    Wow~! Just Wow! When a free item of food is no longer acceptable, what is this world coming to? When someone takes it upon themselves to decide what others may or may not want in their time of need, questions should be asked. What is the motive behind the actions? Does Jessie, really care about the nutritional values available to homeless, or does he just want to rant against a big corporation? How does this latest rant and course of action, align with previous acts of charity? How is this about the homeless, and not all about Jessie? I am sure, based on the juvenile responses to legitimate questions and feedback below, that I will get more of the same. But, my hope is that more reasonable people read this, and decide on their own to support a program that worked in the past, but that was compromised by ego, self righteousness, and selfishness.

    • Sharde Marie

      You can always pass them out for him. Or just shut up.

      • John Lockwood

        True. It goes both ways. Still does not change the fact that someone decided to take a seemingly “selfless” effort, and make it all about themself. Hopefully more people will take it upon themselves to pass out the free food coupons. Hopefully the snarky b-holes that think his rant was acceptable, will step up as well, instead of posting mindless retorts.

        • JustSomeGuy

          Be the “More People”, John.
          It’s your turn.
          Just a guess here… But maybe, just maybe, the “snarky-b-holes” of which you speak, MIGHT just be the core of those who kept it running? ;)

          You have a choice, John.. You can sit and type as you bask in the empowerment of your righteous indignation, or you yourself can take up the charge and do the “Donate your McMuffin” Missions yourself.

          Personally I like the McMuffins more than the Chalupa. I never have eaten a mystery-meat chalupa, all I could bring myself to try was the chicken, and the steak.

          But dude.. These things have a lifespan.
          If you have good organizing skills, you can get 8 people 1 or 2 nights out of the season. Maybe 5 tops the rest of the time…. And that’s if you have a core group of at least 3 that goes to every game.

          After 2 years, it gets inconvenient, and turns into another job. One that is quite hard to constantly make time for….
          Oh, but better yet, try doing it while riding mass-transit to get around.

          The lifespan of the project just ran its course.
          If this truly offends you, seriously, take it up.

          Maybe organize with Dennis of Janis Youth’s Yellow Brick Road program and see if he can rally help for you.
          There’s a lot more save-the-world college kid types with spare time on their hands who volunteer for Janus Youth than there are who volunteer for Sponberg.
          Good luck.

          But really… It’s bad form to dog dudes who carried the shit for 2 years, never expecting a cent. Never accepting ANY cash whatsoever, and investing their own hard-earned into making it succeed.

          Really, What have YOU pulled off and made last two years even though it took a toll on your business and professional life?

          • John Lockwood

            You miss the point. I am not “dogging” the efforts. In fact, I applaud the effort. But to get choosy as to what a person gets for nothing, is what I am commenting on. Free coupons, for anything, is still free stuff. The level of what I can only assume is entitlement, is sick. Being homeless, poor, hungry, or anything else, does not entitle anyone to anything. Complaining about free food, when sometimes that is all these folks have, is entitled behavior. It is a bit arrogant. To differentiate between one fast food over another, shows very little understanding of the real issues. I encourage this guy to continue on. He is the one who is complaining, not because it is hard, but because he dislikes McD’s. His argument was not about the effort. So please, read for comprehension. Get off your high horse and recognize that indeed, “beggars cannot be choosers.” Free food is and should be welcome to those who lack enough, or worse, any. I do my part. I recognize we have problems in our city, state and country. But the last thing I do not do, is complain about the efforts made to try and mitigate those problems. That is the lesson that the author of this complaint, needs to learn.

          • Sharde Marie

            Again, you can pick up the sign and pass htem out yourself since you do your effort.

        • Sharde Marie

          I don’t see aproblem with his rant at all. I wouldn’t pass out McMuffins either because I would not eat them myself. You can’t get mad at someone’s own morals. Doesn’t hurt you.

          • John Lockwood

            Perhaps you are not fully understanding of the meaning of “morals.” Complaining about what kind of free food you get to assist in a positive effort to feed the hungry, is not a “morality” issue. It is nit-picking. If McD’s was arming child soldiers in Africa, and that was the reason for not wanting to hand out McMuffs, that IS a “morals’ issue. Morality is something closer to religion. Perhaps you meant values? The author values Taco Bell product over McD’s. And, at a detriment to those he claims to feel for, and now no longer wishes to assist. But, thankfully, there are many more of us in Portland that truly do care, and will take whatever is provided, and pass that along to those in the greatest of need. If at that point, those individuals choose to not eat McD’s, then at least I know I did my part. Everyone has a choice. That was never the issue. If you can’t figure that out by now, then there is no more reason to try and explain. It would all be lost on you.

          • Sharde Marie

            The man has not eaten McDonald’s himself for 15 years. Serving it to others is a moral issue if he doesn’t eat it because its harmful to his body. How could he allow others to put it in their bodies. I’m not going to talk to you about morals when you’ve said “beggars can’t be choosers.”

  • Jake Chadwick

    No logic at all to differentiate between McDonald’s and Taco Bell. The McMuffin has 360 calories, 22g of fat (8g of saturated fat), 45mg of cholesterol, and 780 mg of sodium. The beef chalupa has 370 calories, 22g of fat (6g of saturated fat), 30mg of cholesterol, and 590mg of sodium. It is marginally healthier than a McMuffin (which does have more fiber and 20% of your daily calcium). Neither are healthy eating.

    On your other point, go find someone serving “local” and “sustainable” food that is willing to participate in this program. I’m sure they would have been considered.

  • anon

    Thanks for all your work the last few years.
    It’s ok to stop.. hopefully someone else picks up the slack.
    I use my coupons to give to panhandlers.. it’s so much easier than saying I have no money.

  • r11

    Dude, you’re a fucking idiot.

    • JustSomeGuy

      Why is he “A fucking Idiot”, bro?
      Dude kept this shit going for 2 flippin’ years, calling on all favors, and guilting the rest of us into it.
      I’d ignore my FB tags and PM’s, but dude would text my ass on my phone…

      The lifespan of his doing this just ran its course.
      It’s over.
      The novelty wore off, and we’re all doing other shit to help humanity.
      Granted, maybe he, in this article could have just said; “FUCK!!!! I was just relieved that the Chalupa Missions were cancelled, because I’m having a hell of a hard time gathering peeps to do it with, and half my core group moved away from Portland in the off season, not to mention it’s a royal bitch to do this shit while riding my broke-ass around on Trimet”.

      But no. He took a different angle. Micky-D’s is no saint… DEAL with it, ya’ liberal self-entitled pussy.

      We helped bring light into tens of thousands of people’s days.
      Why’s he gotta be a “fucking idiot” for not dedicating the rest of his life to get Mc-Fucking-Muffins into the guts of street kids?

      Pick up the slack, fool.
      Get YOUR crew to do it for the next couple years.
      Anyhow, STFU if you ain’t doing shit but pissing and moaning on the net.
      Other people actually DO shit.
      Maybe you may feel like some misguided crusader here, all talkin’ shit… Buy what have YOU done?
      Yeah… Sponberg may be a dickhead at times, as can we all… But don’t shit on the good someone tries to do till you actually make some changes in people’s lives your damned self, “brah”.

      • John Lockwood

        You are an idiot if you think any of the criticism is about the author not doing enough. The complaint is that he is getting choosy, high and mighty, at the detriment to those in real need. Read like you are even trying to understand. No one is “shitting” on him for his efforts. His sense of entitlement is what we are commenting on. McD’s, for free, is still free food. Get over it.

        • JustSomeGuy

          Chech it out, “niggah” even though you’re likely some white bitchme and my bros would push off your gay-ass hipster bikes and kick the shit out of…
          I MADE THE SIGNS! I put my OWN fucking money into it!
          I put more time into this shit than Sponberg, myself.
          Jason Sayer is the only one who surpassed me.

          Seriously, bitch… Fuck off and die.
          Take a step to Pauly if you think you’re hard, Hipster beyatch, but go fuck yourself none-the-less, unless you can nut-up and take the shit over, brah!

          Step up to the plate, or shut the fuck up, beyatch!
          Cuz that’s all YOU are.
          You’re a mouth.
          You’re a bitch.
          Shoot Pauly all the psudeointellectual bullshit you want…
          But your faggot-ass sits there with skelitor up your ass, while you critisize those of us who actually DO shit.

          Seriously, bitch… Nut-up, or shut-up.
          You ain’t shit but just another liberal, “Mouth”, bitch.
          You piss and moan on the internet, but you don’t do SHIT.
          Yeah… Ozone & me are on the outs, and I owe him a broken nose…
          But you?
          You ain’t worth anyone who actually does ANYTHING’s time.
          That’s how being a bitch works, punk.


          • JustSomeGuy

            Seriously… Talk some shit.
            Leave your real info too if you have the balls.
            You ain’t talkin’ to the Political Whore, Sponberg, now, bro….
            You’re talking to S-12-Pauly.
            The 250-Lb motherfucker who launches people 20′ when they spark MY attention.

            We served the weak, to tithe.
            To make up for our OWN past transgressions.
            It wasn’t to make your pussy-ass feel better about yourself. We did it for the lord.
            So you can go fuck your mother.

            Seriously, fuck off and die if you lack the sack to take the charge over, bitch.
            We did it. Now, it’s your turn if you claim to be offended, pussy.
            Step too the plate, or seriously…. STFU, bitch.

          • John Lockwood

            They let 12 year olds post on this site? Awesome. BTW, my info is right out there. No hiding here. I solidly back up any and everything I say. And I don’t pretend it was “for the lord” and then denigrate you or your mother. I am sure she would be so proud of your vocabulary and awesome collective of spew. Stay classy!

      • r11

        LOL. Get a clue moron. Read John Lockwood’s response. He clearly doesn’t have his head up his ass like you do….

  • Eddy Ponce

    BRING BACK THE CHALUPAS!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Yhpq3QBST8

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