July 17, 2013 in 10 THINGS, Features by

10 THINGS: Portland Hates…

Portland, Oregon Hates You

Portland, Oregon Hates You


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With our ill new tank available now, we thought it was necessary to also deliver a list of a few things disliked by Bridge City…

1. Lakers

I have a hard time accepting the fact that there are actually Lakers fans living in the Northwest.

The Lakers have been a thorn in the side of every Blazer fan since the 80′s, but since losing to them in game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference finals we’ve developed an undying hatred born in bitterness.

2. Fluoride

After city council tried to vote the addition of fluoride into the city’s water supply, the city of Portland quickly gathered signatures in protest and eventually voted against having chemicals added to their water in contradiction to the efforts of the mayor.

3. Legalized Weed

The herb in Oregon is phenomenal. We don’t need the government taxing and regulating it. Right?

4. Southern California

Many people unfamiliar with a map seem to believe that California makes up the entire west coast. It doesn’t.

The roads and air in Southern California is filthy. The people move to Portland and raise property taxes. What’s not to hate?

5. Shaved Faces

Portland and beards seem to go together like Portland and hipsters. The city loves a good beard and has a tolerance for the occasional struggle beard.

There might not be a better way to keep your face warm in the winter.

6. Umbrellas

People in the Northwest understand there is no reason to own an umbrella. Staying dry is why God invented hoodies, jackets with hoods, and the indoors.

7. Paying a cover charge

Promoters in Portland are well aware that the majority if the city isn’t going to pay $10 to get in a club to drink Pabst all night no matter who is on the bill.

Portland is a city full of people who think they belong on the guest list.

8. Cars and Bikes

Bicyclists complain about drivers, drivers complain about bicyclists, and everyone complains about traffic.

Luckily there is the Max to help keep people sane.

9. Jobs

Portland is for bartenders, baristas and artists. If you want a “real” job, move to a “real” city.

10. Greg Oden

Remember that big ass jersey they hung on the side of the Rose Garden after we passed on Durant?

Portland doesn’t hate him for getting hurt, they hate him for having a shitty attitude about it. (Plus guys hate his ability to ruin chicks he bags. So there’s that…)

#OutHere

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  • cjenks

    i’ve never met anyone who’s hated greg oden. ruin chicks he bags?

    • Sharde Marie

      The only people who don’t hate Greg Oden are the chicks he bagged. lol

    • Thug Life

      I’ve met dozens

  • kyle j sanders from SALEM

    struggle beards. haha

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